Title: My Heart Will Go On
Pairing: Sasuke Uchiha x Tenten
Universe: AU (ninja verse)
Collection: Part three of the Starcrossed Lovers Trilogy
Every night in my dreams,
I see you,
I feel you,
That is how I know you go on…
There was a great weight on her chest, and the sharp taste of vomit in her throat. She gagged and heaved again, making her throat hurt. Behind closed lids she saw a flash of crimson, something that seemed to plague even her very consciousness.
Her eyes flung open, they burned, refusing to focus. Through the haze she could make out the pale quarter-moon that shined in the clear skies outside her window.
She tossed and turned and grumbled, until she fnally got up.
These days she found that she couldn’t get much sleep, not that it granted her genuine peace. The harmony she knew seemed under an illusion.
The medics had speculated that it was probably as a result of the protective mechanism of her mind kicking in. While her conscious mind wasn’t able to recall a single detail of her alleged tribulation, they reckoned that subconsciously it were not so. So in order to minimize the possibility of recollections from her previous ordeal, her brain rejected sleep.
Clad in her long, cotton nightgown, barefoot she paced the empty apartment building finally stopping to peer outside a large window in her sitting room. She gazed down at the small pond and gardens below. The entire area shimmered under bright moonlight. It glowed with a magical quality, one that called to her.
At the thought that maybe a walk would soothe her unease mind, she slipped her feet into a pair of sandals without bothering to fetch a coat and headed outside and into the night air.
It certainly wasn’t normal to feel so at ease yet so unease.
Tenten shivered a little in the almost disturbingly sensual draught of the Konohan night. It wrapped round her like silken gauze, teasing her skin with its subtle caress.
Ever since she had resurfaced into the village—she thought it appropriate to use the word resurface, because she hadn’t a clue where she had been for the past couple of months—she had been going on these late night expeditions.
From across the distance,
And spaces between us,
You have come to show you go on…
There was something so enticing about the darkness, about the coldness, it called out to her and she was drawn to it, enthralled by it actually. In response to its plea she’d let it take her wherever it wanted to. Usually it’d lead her to her team’s training ground where she’d lie on the grass and stare up into the sky wishing she could find answers amongst the stars.
Where had she been? What happened to her? Why couldn’t she remember the past month?
Perhaps it was a good thing that she hadn’t any memory of the last couple of months. Maybe it would have been too difficult to handle the reality of what really happened. She couldn’t help but feel however, that a huge chunk of her soul had left along with her memory.
Not only that, her heart seemed to have fled as well only to be replaced by the darkened soul of another.
Where could she possibly go from here when she didn’t even know where here was?
She sighed, pushing the wooden gate open and slipped out onto the streets of Konoha. A chill blew over her face and raised goose bumps on her neck. Still, it was a lovely night, and the moon shone high overhead.
She found herself walking down an unfamiliar pathway but her mind was too busy trying to fill the empty space with logical optimism. She would finally be allowed to resume training and take on missions in a couple of weeks. That’d be a great way to get her mind off that it which it couldn’t conjure and something to look forward to.
Her teammates had suggested that she moved on from the incident, as it did no good to dwell on the past and forget to anticipate the future. Honestly she couldn’t agree more. Still, no matter how hard she tried to let go, she simply couldn’t.
Her gaze locked on to a stone bench that overlooked a statue, and she moved toward it, not sure why she was so drawn by it. Then again, these days she wasn’t sure about much.
Tenten sat down and spread her hands over the cool stone. She stared ahead and felt a glimmer of sadness. It made no sense, but she knew she had sat here before, and she knew that she had felt fear.
Near, far, where ever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on…
She raised her hands to cup her face and leaned over, huddled on the bench. It was there, just out of reach, so close she could feel the heavy weight of misery, of indecision.
Then she remembered. This was the same bench a certain Uchiha had left Sakura heartbroken and drenched in tears. This was the same bench she sat on and worried whether Neji and the rest of their friends would return safely from Uchiha’s rescue mission.
It sort of made sense, she thought to herself. She had sat and felt fear here—fear of losing her team mate. Both memories held similar sentiments—after all, Sakura had felt fear of losing a comrade too, however it didn’t quite sum up why Tenten was so drawn to the bench.
She shivered as she eased down onto the cold stone bench and clutched her arms around her trembling body. She glanced down at her feet but couldn’t summon any rebuke for having gone out in the chill without a cloak.
The brunette sat there, rocking back and forth, her arms wrapped protectively around her abdomen. The wind picked up, chasing a chill down her spine, but she ignored the discomfort.
Something that felt like a hand graced her bare shoulders. She flinched and looked up but there was nobody there. There was an eerie presence but it didn’t feel like that of a living creature, or anything living for that matter. She slid to the end of the bench, the rough stone scratching against her clothing.
Then she leapt to her feet and began to run without a destination in mind.
She felt it behind her, like a cold hand trying to snake its way around her waist. The thought that maybe it had been her mind playing tricks on her never occurred. She fled down the streets with a speed she was pretty sure Lee would have praised her for.
She came across an abandoned compound near the edge of the village and without bothering to use the gates she jumped over the fence and landed harshly on a sharp pebble.
Tenten hissed in pain but had to bite her lips as she felt and heard the gush of wind that had been trailing her pass by. It wasn’t until she heard the faint sound of breeze rustling leaves in the distance that she turned around to scan her surroundings. Silently she wondered if it had somehow been leading her all along.
Through the darkness she could faintly make out a fan shaped symbol painted on one of the buildings stationed at the front of the massive compound. She gasped, having stumbled upon Uchiha property.
She spun on her heels in an attempt to leave but the cold draught was back again, its hands closed around her shoulders as though spinning her around to face her environment. The image of a man flashed across her mind, anger glinted in his eyes, and displeasure tightened his jaw but she couldn’t recognize him. And just as the image had come it went.
Tenten moved deeper into the campus and inhaled the brisk night air. The salty breeze tasted tangy on her lips, and her fingers crept higher to pull the night gown more firmly around her body. She shivered with the cold but was reluctant to depart so soon. She felt connected to the place somehow.
It felt connected to her.
Once more, you open the door,
And you’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on.
The cliché of it all was ludicrous—pathetic even. But intruding on clandestine exchanges didn’t prove effective. Nor did stalking the ex leaf-nin aided them in coming any closer to unearthing some sort of veracity as to what had truly been inducing such tumult in the vicinity of his chamber.
In their frenzied desperation they eventually resorted to spying and pressing their ears against their walls. Much to their disappointment their minds were only refreshed with the initial cause of the bags beneath their bloodshot eyes and their unsettled and dejected demeanours.
The harmonious strain of metal against metal that had once filled the night air with a somewhat soothing lullaby gradually became non-existent. Only to be replaced by the spine-chilling sounds of a man in desperate need of some serious angry management classes—or so it would seem.
What else could account for the oscillating stone walls separating the rooms, and the loud stifled whimpers and groans that reverberated in the room down the hall?
Love can touch us one time and last for a life time
And never let go til we’re gone…
He remembered how the candles would burn low, filling the air with its fragrance and although he could not see it, he could sense the soft light that wormed its way into his chamber each morning as they woke. He’d feel her there even before he felt himself. He could feel her flowing though him, making his chest ache, causing a tremor to run through him from the tips of his fingers to the ends of his toes.
One brown eye before the other—they’d open, to catch him staring down at her as though sparing a blink would mean risking the possibility of her vanishing. She’d sit up, brushing back her hair, her face flushed with sleep and yawned, “Good morning Sasuke.”
“Hn…” he’d begin extinguishing the candles, his heart light with a fervour he couldn’t fathom. It was as though all that he had once felt and all that he felt in the moment collided and dispersed before he could hold either.
She had never once complained about his lack of speech or inability to entertain. His and her silence granted them a mutual sense of understanding, because in their world…actions spoke louder than words. And he missed that companionable quietness. She somehow made it easy to relax, to be himself, to merely exist.
He recalled lying awake in the dead of the night with her curled against him—too haunted by sweet dreams he knew would never take the form of reality. His troubled mind, his tormented heart would all seem to ease at the sound of hers beating.
At the subtle hint of even a moment of his disquiet, she’d snuggle closer in her state of subconsciousness. Her arms would tighten protectively around his middle, her warmth burning into his back.
And he missed that, especially now as the cold mist slithered against him and snuck beneath his quilt to crawl over his skin. He stirred; he shivered burrowing deeper under the covers, but found no warmth.
Love was when I loved you. One true time, I hold to
In my life we’ll always go on…
It was something that he had grown accustomed to. But ever since her arrival and departure into and out of his life, he struggled to cope with his destined plight. He had taken her memory, out of fear that she wouldn’t be able to endure the pain that would come along with it.
As his heart thudded powerfully in his chest, a constant reminder of how empty he felt without her, it served as a reminder of the reasons he’d often turn to darkness for comfort.
The reason being that in order to protect oneself from sadness one had to protect himself from happiness. Therefore he had to cast a shadow over the light she had worked into his life. How could it even be justified that darkness was the absence of light and not the absence of love?
With a resolute sigh, he rose to full length. The muscle of his heart clenched and his throat tightened painfully. His closed lids opened to reveal a pair of activated Sharingan. At his sides chakra infused arms rose to the destruction of anything in their paths. And so his nightly routine would begin.
He’d work himself to exertion finally throwing himself down on his bed—the last piece of standing furniture. He’d stared at the ceiling in startled silence, his expression intense but unreadable. A palm over his throbbing chest, he would lay down, basking in the feel and sound of his rapidly beating heart—hers.
He may no longer be able to protect her in the physical world but beneath his fingers, where the heart that was solely hers throbbed, he could keep her and her memories safe.
You’re here! There’s nothing I fear and I know that my heart will go on…
We’ll stay, forever this way,
You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on